Intimacy and sexuality remain meaningful parts of life for many people facing terminal illness. Yet they are often overlooked in conversations about end-of-life care.
I recently completed Hospice Foundation of America’s “Intimacy and Sexuality During Illness and Loss.” https://hospicefoundation.org/hfa-product/intimacy-and-sexuality-during-illness-and-loss/ While I had studied this subject before, the course encouraged me to reflect more deeply on how we acknowledge, and sometimes unintentionally silence these needs.
Illness can change someone’s body, energy, comfort, and sense of self. It can also change a couple’s relationship as a partner takes on caregiving responsibilities. Alongside those changes, a person may still want sexual expression, affection, privacy, or the opportunity to feel attractive and desired. Intimacy might include sexual contact, but it can also mean kissing, cuddling, sharing a bed, or simply having uninterrupted time together.
These experiences deserve attention in bereavement, too. When a partner dies, the surviving person may lose everyday touch, physical closeness, and a shared intimate life. They may feel longing, relief, guilt, uncertainty, or a desire for connection again. Family expectations and social judgment can make those feelings difficult to discuss. Wanting intimacy with someone new does not erase love for the person who died.
As a thanatologist, hospice volunteer, and end-of-life doula, I see the importance of making room for these conversations without assuming what someone wants based on their age, health, relationship status, sexual orientation, or gender identity. That includes respecting people who do not want sexual connection or do not wish to discuss it.
Whole-person care includes asking what matters to someone, listening without judgment, respecting privacy, and recognizing when additional professional support could help. Intimacy and sexuality deserve a place in that care.
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